WE CAN CHOOSE TO REFRAME THE STORY

Packing up the family, home, business, life, for a year adventure on the road has been something we have been working towards for nearly 12 months. Less than a month out from our departure and we had rented out our home and moved in with Inga’s parents. 

Things were starting to feel real. We were finalising the last fragments of our nomadic life and there was this strange edginess of excitement. The departure date was near.

I decided to take Andy down to Sydney for a few days to visit my parents and help them around their home. I thought that the exchange of gardening for day care seemed like a good barter. 

After a morning swim, I climbed barefoot up the ladder to the second top rung, helping to clean their patio roof for a Christmas function they were hosting. Leaning too far and the ladder kicked from under me. I came tumbling down, landing on my left heel. After a few adult words, I grabbed my calf, bracing to attempt to roll my ankle and wiggle of my toes. I figured if I could do these then everything would be fine. It was all good. I could rotate my ankle like a wheel with a flat spot and my toes wiggled in unison. I counted my lucky stars and was so thankful that I was okay and there wasn’t any serious damage.

A week passed and there wasn’t much improvement. I was hobbling and grandmothers were passing me as I walked. I could sense my lucky stars dwindling away. An x-ray came back with no detection of a break, but as I was departing the country in two weeks, a MRI scan was recommended. A fractured heel and bruising of the bone was discovered and my leg in a moon boot for six weeks was the required remedy.

…Wow…

I sat back in my chair, placed my hands on my head and gazed, not focussing on anything, took a deep breath, smiled and did one of those chuckles that is more out of your nose than your mouth.

Well that’s a bugger, I remember thinking as I started to tap my fingers on the table, trying to take my attention away from the situation.

Don’t get me wrong. I was gutted when the doctor called me to say that I had fractured my heel and I would need to be in a brace for six weeks. A year of planning was derailed in a moment. But I quickly understood that there was nothing that I could do to change the situation. The only thing that I knew I could control was how I reacted to it.

I needed to reframe the story I was telling myself.

Let me ask you this: If someone came up to you and said you could go on a year adventure in two weeks but there is a catch. For the first six weeks of the trip you needed to have your leg in a brace and wear a moon boot. Would you still jump at the opportunity? Would you think that six weeks was nothing compared to 52 in a new country enjoying new experiences? Would you quickly do the math and consider that it is only 11.5% of the entire trip? Would you say hell-yeah, sign me up, count me in?

I know I would.

And that was the story I began to tell myself. The outcome is still the same. I’m still wearing a leg brace for six weeks. However all the planning that is in the past isn’t part of the equation, and the “poor me” is replaced with gratitude and excitement. The focus is rightfully on the year’s adventure and not on the fractured heel. 

When we positively reframe a situation, reality doesn’t change. We simply identify our negative unhelpful thoughts and replace them with more positive ones.

Due to the fracture I kept thinking that I wouldn’t be able to ice-skate with Andy in Central Park, and that realisation hurt. By reframing that thought, I now see that I’ll be able to take great photos of Inga and Andy ice-skating together and it will be a special moment for them. It will be uncomfortable on the plane and with the fracture there will be a high risk of DVT. But on the other hand, surely a guy in a moon boot has more chance of an upgrade to business class.

And what really happened when we started our adventure with the addition of a moon boot and crutches? I didn’t get DVT or an upgrade to business class, but I did organise a wheelchair, which helped immensely in L.A. as our plane from Sydney was delayed and the wheelchair enabled us to move through the lines quicker so we didn’t miss our connecter to NYC. While in NYC we didn’t even go ice-skating. I walked everywhere on crutches, yeah I had bruises and calluses on both of my palms but it didn’t really interfere with our plans that much.

More times than not, when we think of a negative future, something we believe is going to happen or go wrong, it doesn’t eventuate. However, we’ve put ourselves through the pain and unhappiness of the negative possibility. Our bodies feel the same negative energy even though it hasn’t happened in reality.

As Mark Twain (maybe) said “My life has been filled with terrible misfortunes, most of which have never happened.”

Positive reframing does not change the situation, but it prevents the situation from dictating the future in a negative way, and put things into a healthier perspective.

By reframing the stories we tell ourselves we can begin a positive narrative, we can shift our focus, we can live immediately.

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WHAT IS THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?

Packing the family up and moving overseas for a year was an idea that became a desire, and one that consumed many thinking moments. These moments were only in the conversation of wishes and dreams, because wishes and dreams meant there is no real attachment, no real possibility of failure or hurt.

Like with most decisions that stretch our comfort zone or questions our boundaries of normality - fear is the first advisor to sit at the table. He walks the hallways of our mind, carrying a suitcase full of questions to keep the conversation in realm of wishes and dreams, and the status quo of life unchanged.

How can you simply pack everything up and leave?

What about your mortgage?

You have two cars on finance, how will you pay for them?

How will you fund this adventure?

What will you do with all your stuff?

What will your friends and family think?

Is this really the best for your daughter?

Are you being selfish?

What about your career?

We asked ourselves these questions whenever we thought about our family adventure, and as the weeks went by fear gradually reached out his arm and asked us to place our desire into the too hard basket he was holding.

We were hungry for adventure, change and disruption, so we resisted the ease of giving up and pushed through. When we make the intimidating, yet simple decision to not give up, alternatives and solutions make themselves known.

Making the decision to pack the family up and move overseas for a year, wasn’t as daunting as it sounds when we stopped answering our fear based questions and started asking just one question;

What is the worst that could happen?

And we grabbed the pen and paper and listed our answers to this question;

Work coming through Inga’s design business (www.inklingdesign.com.au) slows down and we can’t afford to be overseas.

One of us becomes seriously sick while we are travelling and we need to return home.

We can’t find a tenant to rent our home in Australia.

When we come home Mike wont be able to find a new job.

Andy won’t enjoy herself as she may not have the opportunity to socialise that often with other children.

By asking the question, what is the worst that could happen, we brought our fears out of the dark shadows of our thoughts and into the light of realisation. We realised that these fears weren’t as enormous as we were making them out to be, and by bringing them into our awareness, we could assess their likelihood and look at potential solutions.

Work coming through Inga’s design business (www.inklingdesign.com.au) slows down and we can’t afford to be overseas: The business has been growing year on year for the past five years, why would it start changing now? We are going over there with some savings and if need be we can always just come home.

One of us becomes seriously sick while we are travelling and we need to return home: The likelihood of this happening is minimal. Yes Andy has anaphylaxis to tree nuts, but we have managed that for three years without an issue. We will also have travel insurance in case of an emergency.

We can’t find a tenant to rent our home in Australia: This was a big concern, as we knew we couldn’t fund the adventure while paying off our mortgage as well. However, as we had brought this fear based question to the conversation and acknowledged it, we were able to take action early. Four months before we were departing, we invited a local real estate agent to look at our home. She gave her assessment and even if we needed to drop the rent by $50/week it would still be achievable. And if there was any major drama while we were away, we could just come home.

When we come home Mike wont be able to find a new job: Oddly enough, this wasn’t a major concern. I wasn’t enjoying my current workplace and wanted to leave - so I would be in the same position as I am in now, needing to look for work. The plan however, is to not need to look for work on our return, rather to grow Inga’s company and investigate other endeavours.

Andy won’t enjoy herself as she may not have the opportunity to socialise that often with other children: This was a concern, as we knew Andy would miss her little friends. We thought of other strategies that would enable her to have more contact with children – story time at the local library, group activity like ski school. Her interaction with children might decrease, however we determined that this would be outweighed by the experience she would receive from an adventure like this.

We quickly realised that these fears were self-imposed, they were barriers we were erecting, and only because we wanted to do something new and different. When we haven’t walked the path before we become apprehensive. It is this hesitation that hinders discovery of the new and different.

What is the worst that could happen? These seven little words would change our course and put wind in our sails - we were moving and we had momentum. The idea wasn’t just a desire any more, it was a possibility, and we had the determination to make it happen, because fear was no longer at the helm. We started to find answers to questions, and found comfort in not needing to have all the answers just yet.

We eventually only had one answer to the question, what is the worst that could happen? And that was to not go, to let fear win and keep living a life that pushes the difficultness of change and growth to tomorrow.

Adventure isn’t knowing the way, it’s finding it: live immediately.

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CLEANING THE CUPBOARDS IN YOUR MIND

It is interesting what the universe makes known to us at certain periods, ideas that have always been there seem to enter our individual space at a precise time. Is it because we are searching, or does the universe know, that now is the time we are capable of utilising this knowledge, this new idea. What the universe threw at me was minimalism - a term I had never heard of before, but one that would become my catalyst for change.

I’m an avid fan of TED Talks, and often watch these instead of TV. When I stumbled upon one titled “A rich life with less stuff” - I knew I needed to dedicate 15 minutes of my life to this video.

A guy (Ryan) created a packing party. He packed up his entire apartment, clothes, furniture, toiletries, everything, like he was moving house, and then only unpacked the items, as he needed them. After 21 days, everything that was still in boxes he sold or donated, over 80% of his possessions – and he had never felt better.

It wasn’t that I was looking for a way to purge my belongings – I resonated with the premise that once we take material possessions out of the equation, we make room for what is really important – relationships, health, growth, contribution, community.

This was no new concept, but it was new and different to me. It felt like I had stumbled upon some gold nuggets and I wanted to mine as much as I could. I read through many of the essays on his website (with friend Joshua) theminimalists.com - reading their stories, listening to their audio books, and soaking up the lessons they had learnt. They introduced me to people like Colin Wright and Leo Babauta. The Baader-Meinhof phenomenon was taking over and everywhere I turned I was discovering a new benefit of minimalism. There was this community of people, from all different backgrounds, which I related to.

I was bursting at the seams with all this new knowledge – and I knew too well that, knowledge without action is wasted. I needed to do something. A packing party seemed a little too extreme, and I wasn’t sure how my family would feel about living out of boxes, however a 30 Day minimalism game, I was up for that.

The rules of the game are quite basic – you find a friend and you each discard one item from your home on the first day, two on the second day, three on the third day and so forth for thirty days. The first two weeks are easy but it gets more challenging, as you get deeper into the month.

The 30 Day Minimalist Game was my first action and I wasn’t quite sure what I would learn, if anything. Could I even make it to 30 days, that is 465 items, do I even own 465 items, (930 items between Inga and I). Perhaps it would simply be a fun way to do a spring clean.

It was a spring clean, but not just of my home - of my mind. What I received was a complete change in mindset on how I viewed possessions – a new rejuvenated outlook on life.

As I was freeing my home of material possessions, that had once held some kind of importance to me, I found myself spending less money. When I considered purchasing a new item I would question if I really needed it - I wasn’t making room for new, I was making room for simplicity.

The act of doing something everyday with someone for a month tightens bonds. At first it was a novelty, and then Inga and I would discuss particular items, we’d be astonished that we had moved certain items from home to home and we still didn’t use them. Other items would guide us down memory lane, and some we were amazed that the other person was actually letting go of – it was in this moment that change was really taking place.

It was like a snowball rolling down a mountain, as the days went on and we collected more items to throw away, momentum kept building. It was such an achievement reaching the 30 days, but we also excitingly knew this was just the beginning. A month later we went through our home again and decluttered more, now it feels like it is just habit.

I learnt so much from this monthly challenge. It was the first action I took and one that has completely changed my family, how we think about possessions, what we value – it made room for what is really important.

Purging items cleared the clutter out of our cupboards but more importantly, the clutter out of our minds. By reframing our mindset on how we view material possessions we are able to grapple larger decisions - deciding to live in another country for a year wasn’t a daunting decision. Previously we would not have been able to comprehend the idea of packing up our home and shipping off - our possessions were no longer anchoring us to a particular location, no longer an excuse, no longer stopping us from living immediately. 

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